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Steven V. Sowers, MA, LMHC |
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More info...
marriage and family therapy, individual consultation and coaching, pastoral psychotherapy, certified imago relationship therapist
I have been working with people in the context of their families, culture and social economic status for over 17 years. To do this I provide individual and family counseling, marital therapy and pre-marital counseling as well as divorce recovery in a safe, supportive enviroment. Common concerns you may experience include: depression, anxiety, difficulty sleeping (emotional issues), trouble adjusting to transitions such as aging, children as they reach adolescence, changes in relationships or work. If you are experiencing any of these issues, professional intervention is usually helpful. I have a great deal of experience with child development and parenting issues as well.
An elderly woman in front of you is driving 25 miles per hour as you rush to work. How do you react? Your child spills his drink all over your newly cleaned floor. How do you react? These and many other every day situtations are enough to get some people very angry. Yet others would be unfazed or react calmly. What is the difference between these two types of people and how can the angry reactor
modify his behavior? Anger is a secondary emotion that commonly masks other more vulnerable emotions. Feelings like hurt, jealousy, guilt and sadness for some are more easily expressed through anger. Even if the emotion is unstated, it is often easier to feel angry at someone than acknowledge that they hurt your feelings. The problem with anger is that it often gets out of control. If expressed too aggresively it can hurt others and damage relationships. If unexpressed and held in, it can manifest itself physcially through headaches or other somatic symptoms. Also unexpressed anger seems to feed itself and grow and at times may begin to feel like an obsession. So what should we do with our anger? Anger is a normal reaction to many events. It should be validated and recognized but in order to express it in a healthy way, it should be examined. Here are some questions to ask yourself when thinking about your anger. Is my feeling of anger proportionate to its trigger? In other words, do you get just as angry when your kids spill a drink as you do when they talk back to you? If so, you might think about what else is feeding your anger. What do you do when you are angry? Do you throw things, fume silently or attack others? Have relationships been effected by your anger? If there are negative consequences after an an anger filled event it might be worth examining the origins of your anger. What triggers my anger? Is it the little things that push you over the edge? I s there a feeling that triggers anger? For example, do you lash out when you begin to feel vulnerable or guilty. Understanding one’s tirggers is the first step in modifying behavior. How do I feel when I start to get angry? It is easier to calm down when feeling a little angry. If you can begin to notice how your body feels as you begin to get angry, you can use other techniques to calm yourself down before the anger accelerates. What works to calm me down? Pay attention to ways that have worked in the past. Some examples are listening to music, taking a walk or using humor. Anger is a common and complicated emotion. If your anger is negatively impacting important relationships in your life or you are using alcohol or drugs to calm yourself, seek professional help in examining the sources of your anger.
Since I have a 13-year-old daughter, I am always reading books to understand her behavior and improve mine with her. I just finished Not Much Just Chillin’ the hidden lives of middle schoolers by Linda Perlstein. Linda spent a year shadowing a group of kids in a suburban Maryland middle school. Her book offers insight on how middle school kids think, what is important to them and some brain development information that can tell us parents why they act the way they do. It doesn’t offer much in terms of how to deal with them on a daily basis but does provide insight in the hopes that we may be able to empathize with them between arguments.
 This lesson shows two incidents where two boys invade the personal and material privacy of the other. The segment highlights the need to honor the privacy of another’s possessions as well as the privacy of their personal information. Share Your Opinion. (0 posts)
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